So by the time I finish writing this, it will be December 21, 2012, the day that the world is supposed to end according to the Mayan calendar. I wonder what will happen? When will it happen? It will be interesting. Personally, I don't really think it will all end today, but who knows?
I've been so depressed lately, I almost wouldn't mind if it all ended today. I can't seem to get into the Christmas spirit. Maybe it's because Christmas won't be happening this year because the world will have ended. :) But seriously, there are so many horrible, depressing things going on in the world right now. So much hate, and violence, and just plain stupidity. Not much to really be happy about. At least from my depressed little point of view. So if the world does end, it might really be a good thing after all. So bring it, Mayans!
...and it's alright, alright, alright with me.
December 21, 2012
November 29, 2012
Oh baby part 2
I know. Don't faint. Two posts from me in one day. What's with that?
We are dumb. I needed to take a nap. I like to nap on the couch. So we picked up Nephew in his exer-saucer and carried it down the hall to the bedroom, where Husband would relax and watch him. Only after all this did I realise that I could have just easily walked down the hall and napped on the bed, leaving Husband and Nephew in the living room.
After I pointed this out to Husband he said, "We're so smart. That's why we're the adults!" :)
We are dumb. I needed to take a nap. I like to nap on the couch. So we picked up Nephew in his exer-saucer and carried it down the hall to the bedroom, where Husband would relax and watch him. Only after all this did I realise that I could have just easily walked down the hall and napped on the bed, leaving Husband and Nephew in the living room.
After I pointed this out to Husband he said, "We're so smart. That's why we're the adults!" :)
Oh baby!
Husband and I are watching our 6 month old nephew for 5 days. Well, mostly I am since Husband works all day. The rest of Nephew's family went to Disneyland, but thought it would be too hard to take a baby, so we offered to watch him while they were gone.
This has been quite an adventure! As you probably know if you've read my blog, we don't have any kids. So this is a totally new experience. I am feeling old. I am not used to carrying a baby around and playing on the floor. I am exhausted. And it's only Day 2. But so far, things are going quite well. He pretty much sleeps through the night, and is a very happy baby. So other than my aches and pains, all is well. Except for the ultra stinky poopy diapers. :) But it helps a lot that he is super cute!
I'll try to keep posting updates on how the baby adventure is going. If I can stay awake! :)
This has been quite an adventure! As you probably know if you've read my blog, we don't have any kids. So this is a totally new experience. I am feeling old. I am not used to carrying a baby around and playing on the floor. I am exhausted. And it's only Day 2. But so far, things are going quite well. He pretty much sleeps through the night, and is a very happy baby. So other than my aches and pains, all is well. Except for the ultra stinky poopy diapers. :) But it helps a lot that he is super cute!
I'll try to keep posting updates on how the baby adventure is going. If I can stay awake! :)
October 12, 2012
Happy new year
Happy New Year? But it's October.
Today is my birthday. It's a new year for me. I've noticed over the last few years that my birthday feels more like New Year's than New Year's does. No, I didn't stay up late last night and throw confetti and drink sparkling grape juice at midnight. Maybe I should have. Maybe I will tonight. But I feel like this is a time to renew myself, to start over fresh. I like making resolutions for my new year. It's more meaningful for me than making them on Dec. 31st/Jan. 1st. Traditional New Year's resolutions are so generic. Birthday New Year's resolutions are more personal; more meaningful.
It's a time to reflect. The past year was a mixture of good and bad. I spent about 3 months of it in the most horrible depression I have felt since about 1997. But so many good things happened too. We got chickens! I love my chickens! They are so fun to watch and to listen to. I've never been much of an animal person. But I had no idea that I could love something so much!
I was also able to connect with so many wonderful people on Facebook. When I first heard about Facebook, I thought it was dumb. But I caved and decided to sign up because that's how much of my family would communicate with each other and I was always missing out. And I am so glad that I did! I found a friend I hadn't heard from in years. I found cousins who I don't hardly ever get to see. And best of all, I am friends with Rob and Keith from Cause and Effect! Rob even wished me Happy Birthday today!!! That means so much to me!
I am so lucky to have so many wonderful people and things in my life. I need to remind myself if this more often. When I get really down and nothing seems right, I really have a hard time seeing the good things that are already there. Maybe that should be one of my resolutions...and I need to lose some weight :)
Thanks for reading!
Today is my birthday. It's a new year for me. I've noticed over the last few years that my birthday feels more like New Year's than New Year's does. No, I didn't stay up late last night and throw confetti and drink sparkling grape juice at midnight. Maybe I should have. Maybe I will tonight. But I feel like this is a time to renew myself, to start over fresh. I like making resolutions for my new year. It's more meaningful for me than making them on Dec. 31st/Jan. 1st. Traditional New Year's resolutions are so generic. Birthday New Year's resolutions are more personal; more meaningful.
It's a time to reflect. The past year was a mixture of good and bad. I spent about 3 months of it in the most horrible depression I have felt since about 1997. But so many good things happened too. We got chickens! I love my chickens! They are so fun to watch and to listen to. I've never been much of an animal person. But I had no idea that I could love something so much!
I was also able to connect with so many wonderful people on Facebook. When I first heard about Facebook, I thought it was dumb. But I caved and decided to sign up because that's how much of my family would communicate with each other and I was always missing out. And I am so glad that I did! I found a friend I hadn't heard from in years. I found cousins who I don't hardly ever get to see. And best of all, I am friends with Rob and Keith from Cause and Effect! Rob even wished me Happy Birthday today!!! That means so much to me!
I am so lucky to have so many wonderful people and things in my life. I need to remind myself if this more often. When I get really down and nothing seems right, I really have a hard time seeing the good things that are already there. Maybe that should be one of my resolutions...and I need to lose some weight :)
Thanks for reading!
September 17, 2012
It's official
Yes. Just as I've known for years. I now have confirmation from my doctor. I am fat and crazy.
I had to go see him today for my 3 month checkup. I have to see him every 3 months because I have high blood pressure and he likes to check up on it. Mostly I just think he wants my money. Every time I go, he tells me to watch my diet and to exercise. In a very thick Pakistani accent. "Diet and exercise. Eat chicken and fish." Seriously, like every time I go, that's what he tells me. I really need a new doctor!
Today, my weight was up. Duh. I don't need a scale or a doctor to tell me that my weight is up. I can see it. I can tell that I am getting fatter by the second. He told me I should get a personal trainer. Like I can afford that! Visions of the fat-people-abuse I've seen on The Biggest Loser flashed through my mind. I don't think so. I don't need to be treated like that. Like I need any more stress!
Speaking of which, I mentioned to him how I've been really stressed out lately for no real reason.
Flash back to last week...My heart would pound and my stomach would be all tight just out of nowhere. I thought for sure I was having a heart attack. I even looked up the symptoms of a heart attack, which are different for women. I had almost every one of them. But I have all those symptoms all the time anyway! I think I would be dead by now if it was a heart attack! I knew it was just from too much stress. And I'm too scared to know what's wrong with me anyway, so I just stayed home and freaked out.
Anyway, he said I should go see a psychiatrist to help me "sort out my issues." No thank you. My issues don't need sorting. They are just fine as they are - even if they are making me crazy!
So there you have it. Medical evidence that I am indeed fat and crazy.
I'm so sorry for not updating my blog for so long! I've had a serious case of writers block. I will try harder to come up with stuff to write about that won't bore you to death.
Thanks for reading!
I had to go see him today for my 3 month checkup. I have to see him every 3 months because I have high blood pressure and he likes to check up on it. Mostly I just think he wants my money. Every time I go, he tells me to watch my diet and to exercise. In a very thick Pakistani accent. "Diet and exercise. Eat chicken and fish." Seriously, like every time I go, that's what he tells me. I really need a new doctor!
Today, my weight was up. Duh. I don't need a scale or a doctor to tell me that my weight is up. I can see it. I can tell that I am getting fatter by the second. He told me I should get a personal trainer. Like I can afford that! Visions of the fat-people-abuse I've seen on The Biggest Loser flashed through my mind. I don't think so. I don't need to be treated like that. Like I need any more stress!
Speaking of which, I mentioned to him how I've been really stressed out lately for no real reason.
Flash back to last week...My heart would pound and my stomach would be all tight just out of nowhere. I thought for sure I was having a heart attack. I even looked up the symptoms of a heart attack, which are different for women. I had almost every one of them. But I have all those symptoms all the time anyway! I think I would be dead by now if it was a heart attack! I knew it was just from too much stress. And I'm too scared to know what's wrong with me anyway, so I just stayed home and freaked out.
Anyway, he said I should go see a psychiatrist to help me "sort out my issues." No thank you. My issues don't need sorting. They are just fine as they are - even if they are making me crazy!
So there you have it. Medical evidence that I am indeed fat and crazy.
I'm so sorry for not updating my blog for so long! I've had a serious case of writers block. I will try harder to come up with stuff to write about that won't bore you to death.
Thanks for reading!
July 11, 2012
Into the light and out of the darkness...
Depression is a crazy thing. If nothing else, you feel like you're going crazy. I have been SO depressed for about a month and a half. I haven't felt this bad since before I started taking an antidepressant. And I couldn't figure out why I felt like I did. I couldn't think of anything that had set it off. I was just so miserable and I didn't really know why. Life was getting to be more than I could handle and I felt like I just couldn't take any more.
But something happened last night. All of a sudden it was gone. I actually felt it leave. It was like inside my head had been cloudy and stormy, and then the sun came out. I just realized I didn't feel like crying any more. I didn't want to die any more.
It was kind of a weird feeling to suddenly feel alright again after feeling so horrible for such a long time. I'm not bouncing off the walls with glee or anything, but I finally feel OK.
Right now, for now, everything is OK.
But something happened last night. All of a sudden it was gone. I actually felt it leave. It was like inside my head had been cloudy and stormy, and then the sun came out. I just realized I didn't feel like crying any more. I didn't want to die any more.
It was kind of a weird feeling to suddenly feel alright again after feeling so horrible for such a long time. I'm not bouncing off the walls with glee or anything, but I finally feel OK.
Right now, for now, everything is OK.
June 21, 2012
Stressed and depressed
Hi. I'm back. I know I promised that I would update my blog more often and I haven't forgotten that I promised pictures of the Morrissey show we went to, but sometimes life gets in the way of things you want to do.
If you've read all about me, you know that I have depression. Sometimes I can fight it, but most of the time it wins. I've been really down the last few weeks, and I finally feel like MAYBE just MAYBE I might be coming back out of it.
I've been having trouble just dealing with life lately. I don't totally feel like I want to kill myself, but I don't totally want to live either. It seems like there's nothing to look forward to. Except death. I've really been struggling with this lately. Part of it is because of my grandparents. They're both 94 and have been having some problems lately. It's really depressing and it doesn't help when I'm already depressed. Just seeing them like that makes me so sad. I had so much fun with them growing up. These are my mom's parents. Nothing against my dad's parents; they just weren't as fun. But to see them deteriorate like this is just heartbreaking. And I can't even deal with what's next. The "D" word. I want to go first. But my mom says there's some inheritance involved, and that I should want to be around for that so I can have fun spending it. I don't want money like that. Death money! How depressing! And I don't want to get old. That is just terrifying!
Anyway, thinking about death has me thinking about what I believe in. Our church teaches that we are eternal beings. That our spirits will live forever. That we can be with our families forever after we die. All this is nice, and I've always believed it, but there's this little part of me that wonders what if that isn't really what happens? What if that's just a nice thing to believe in? What if we just die and don't go anywhere? Or what if we all get reincarnated and come back as cows? There's really no way to know for sure because dead people can't tell us what it's like, so this is where we have to have faith that what we believe in is true. I have trouble having faith. I want to know what's going to happen - what to expect. I already live my life in fear of just about everything. I guess it has to be like that until the very end.
That brings me to something else. How can people say they look forward to the future? So many people get so excited about the future and what their lives can be like. I just dread it. I am absolutely terrified of the future. Look at the world. Everything just keeps getting worse and worse. What is there to look forward to in that? Really the only thing to look forward to is death, and if we're all going to come back as cows, I don't even know if I can look forward to that. :)
Then we have my weight. I am fat. Not big-round-blob-rolling-down-the-street fat, but still fat for my body size. I could stand to lose about 80 pounds. That's about where my doctor says I should be for my size (I'm 5'9 by the way.) I hate myself. I just feel so worthless. I know people say you should accept yourself the way you are blah blah blah, but I just can't. I don't consider myself to be vain at all, but I just can't stand the way I look. My stomach looks like I'm pregnant (people have even had the audacity to ask me), my arms are flabby, I'm growing extra chins. I can't stand myself. And I don't have the energy to do all the exercise that I know it would take to fix myself. So what do I do? I don't eat too much. I don't think food is the issue here. I know I just need to exercise, but it makes me feel so crappy. I get really sore and can't do much for a few days afterwards. I've been trying to get on the treadmill every day for about the last week, but it's hard to fit it into the day sometimes. I've been doing pretty good at it, but not seeing any results yet just gets me down. I know the results aren't going to be instant, but I need to see something change to keep me motivated and to keep me from getting more depressed. Also, I've noticed that when I really try to lose weight, I gain weight. When I don't give it a second thought, it just falls off. I told my doctor this, and he said I need to try to not get so stressed out about it. The stress can cause some of the weight gain. No wonder I'm such a fat cow!
Where do people get a healthy sense of self esteem from? I need some. Now!
So these are the main things that have been getting me down lately. And then there's just the stress of everyday living. Keeping the house somewhat clean, making food, doing dishes, etc. It all becomes more than I can handle when I feel like this. I try to do what I can, but I know it's not enough. I am so thankful that Husband understands and is willing to help me with things.
I hate feeling like this. I don't understand why I feel like this. There's not any one thing that sets it off. It just happens. And it stays for awhile. And stays. And stays. And then it leaves and I feel "normal" again. For me, normal is just not quite as depressed. When I feel really good, like what "normal" should feel like, it just feels weird. I almost don't know what to do with myself when I feel like that!
So that's what's been going on with me. Thanks for reading.
If you've read all about me, you know that I have depression. Sometimes I can fight it, but most of the time it wins. I've been really down the last few weeks, and I finally feel like MAYBE just MAYBE I might be coming back out of it.
I've been having trouble just dealing with life lately. I don't totally feel like I want to kill myself, but I don't totally want to live either. It seems like there's nothing to look forward to. Except death. I've really been struggling with this lately. Part of it is because of my grandparents. They're both 94 and have been having some problems lately. It's really depressing and it doesn't help when I'm already depressed. Just seeing them like that makes me so sad. I had so much fun with them growing up. These are my mom's parents. Nothing against my dad's parents; they just weren't as fun. But to see them deteriorate like this is just heartbreaking. And I can't even deal with what's next. The "D" word. I want to go first. But my mom says there's some inheritance involved, and that I should want to be around for that so I can have fun spending it. I don't want money like that. Death money! How depressing! And I don't want to get old. That is just terrifying!
Anyway, thinking about death has me thinking about what I believe in. Our church teaches that we are eternal beings. That our spirits will live forever. That we can be with our families forever after we die. All this is nice, and I've always believed it, but there's this little part of me that wonders what if that isn't really what happens? What if that's just a nice thing to believe in? What if we just die and don't go anywhere? Or what if we all get reincarnated and come back as cows? There's really no way to know for sure because dead people can't tell us what it's like, so this is where we have to have faith that what we believe in is true. I have trouble having faith. I want to know what's going to happen - what to expect. I already live my life in fear of just about everything. I guess it has to be like that until the very end.
That brings me to something else. How can people say they look forward to the future? So many people get so excited about the future and what their lives can be like. I just dread it. I am absolutely terrified of the future. Look at the world. Everything just keeps getting worse and worse. What is there to look forward to in that? Really the only thing to look forward to is death, and if we're all going to come back as cows, I don't even know if I can look forward to that. :)
Then we have my weight. I am fat. Not big-round-blob-rolling-down-the-street fat, but still fat for my body size. I could stand to lose about 80 pounds. That's about where my doctor says I should be for my size (I'm 5'9 by the way.) I hate myself. I just feel so worthless. I know people say you should accept yourself the way you are blah blah blah, but I just can't. I don't consider myself to be vain at all, but I just can't stand the way I look. My stomach looks like I'm pregnant (people have even had the audacity to ask me), my arms are flabby, I'm growing extra chins. I can't stand myself. And I don't have the energy to do all the exercise that I know it would take to fix myself. So what do I do? I don't eat too much. I don't think food is the issue here. I know I just need to exercise, but it makes me feel so crappy. I get really sore and can't do much for a few days afterwards. I've been trying to get on the treadmill every day for about the last week, but it's hard to fit it into the day sometimes. I've been doing pretty good at it, but not seeing any results yet just gets me down. I know the results aren't going to be instant, but I need to see something change to keep me motivated and to keep me from getting more depressed. Also, I've noticed that when I really try to lose weight, I gain weight. When I don't give it a second thought, it just falls off. I told my doctor this, and he said I need to try to not get so stressed out about it. The stress can cause some of the weight gain. No wonder I'm such a fat cow!
Where do people get a healthy sense of self esteem from? I need some. Now!
So these are the main things that have been getting me down lately. And then there's just the stress of everyday living. Keeping the house somewhat clean, making food, doing dishes, etc. It all becomes more than I can handle when I feel like this. I try to do what I can, but I know it's not enough. I am so thankful that Husband understands and is willing to help me with things.
I hate feeling like this. I don't understand why I feel like this. There's not any one thing that sets it off. It just happens. And it stays for awhile. And stays. And stays. And then it leaves and I feel "normal" again. For me, normal is just not quite as depressed. When I feel really good, like what "normal" should feel like, it just feels weird. I almost don't know what to do with myself when I feel like that!
So that's what's been going on with me. Thanks for reading.
May 22, 2012
The Moz is playing on my stereo...
OK. Not really right now, but we will get to see him tomorrow night. Yes, Morrissey is coming to Tucson! We didn't find out until last Saturday night. I couldn't believe it. Husband was reading the newspaper and said "Holy cow! Morrissey is coming here on Wednesday!" How come we didn't know about this? By then, it was probably too late to get tickets, but I thought I'd look anyway. I didn't see anything that said the show was sold out. We had to try to get tickets! We figured this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, since Morrissey is somewhat reclusive and doesn't tour very often. Husband looked it up and there are only 6 US tour dates this year and Tucson is one of them! Tickets were only sold at the venue box office or Ticketmaster. I refuse to buy anything from Ticketmaster (sorry Ticketmaster people - too many extra charges) so I had to wait until yesterday morning to head over to the box office.
The venue is located in downtown Tucson. I don't go downtown very often. Like just about never. But I wanted Morrissey tickets. It's amazing what you will do if you want something really bad! I consulted Google maps to make sure I knew where I was going. I forgot though, that there is major construction going on to install a new "modern streetcar" downtown. I don't know why they call it a modern streetcar - I don't think they'd install an ancient, outdated streetcar. Anyway, I had to take a bit of a detour and got a little lost on the way to the box office. I managed to find it though after a little extra driving around.
The box office opened at 10:30. There were 4 people in line ahead of me. They took FOREVER!!! And it was HOT! Yesterday the high temperature was 104. There were all sorts of heat warnings on TV saying don't go outside, drink lots of water, etc. And where is the line for the box office? Outside. And not much shade. I was seriously worried that I might pass out before I got my tickets.
Finally it was my turn. I knew what I wanted, how much I wanted to spend, and was done in about 2 minutes. I was actually able to get fairly good seats for what we were willing to pay. I figured we'd end up in the back of the very top balcony or something, but we are actually on the main floor about 2/3 back. Not bad. Although this venue is mostly used for ballets and symphonies, and sit-down-and-watch sorts of things, so if people stand up in front of us, we won't be able to see very well. But at least we will be there! And I will definitely try to take pictures. I will post them here, so check back in a few days!
On a side note: I realised the other night that I have a little something I can brag about. I can honestly say that I have performed on the same stage as Morrissey (well, after tomorrow night anyway.) When I was little, I took ballet, and we had to do recitals which were terrifying, but the recitals were at the same venue that the concert will be at. :)
Thanks for reading!
The venue is located in downtown Tucson. I don't go downtown very often. Like just about never. But I wanted Morrissey tickets. It's amazing what you will do if you want something really bad! I consulted Google maps to make sure I knew where I was going. I forgot though, that there is major construction going on to install a new "modern streetcar" downtown. I don't know why they call it a modern streetcar - I don't think they'd install an ancient, outdated streetcar. Anyway, I had to take a bit of a detour and got a little lost on the way to the box office. I managed to find it though after a little extra driving around.
The box office opened at 10:30. There were 4 people in line ahead of me. They took FOREVER!!! And it was HOT! Yesterday the high temperature was 104. There were all sorts of heat warnings on TV saying don't go outside, drink lots of water, etc. And where is the line for the box office? Outside. And not much shade. I was seriously worried that I might pass out before I got my tickets.
Finally it was my turn. I knew what I wanted, how much I wanted to spend, and was done in about 2 minutes. I was actually able to get fairly good seats for what we were willing to pay. I figured we'd end up in the back of the very top balcony or something, but we are actually on the main floor about 2/3 back. Not bad. Although this venue is mostly used for ballets and symphonies, and sit-down-and-watch sorts of things, so if people stand up in front of us, we won't be able to see very well. But at least we will be there! And I will definitely try to take pictures. I will post them here, so check back in a few days!
On a side note: I realised the other night that I have a little something I can brag about. I can honestly say that I have performed on the same stage as Morrissey (well, after tomorrow night anyway.) When I was little, I took ballet, and we had to do recitals which were terrifying, but the recitals were at the same venue that the concert will be at. :)
Thanks for reading!
May 14, 2012
I'm still here
Hi! It's been a while. Sorry for not posting anything for so long. I know there are so many of you out there hanging on my every word. :)
Today is the first day in a long time that I actually feel like doing something. I just haven't felt good lately. I've been really tired and haven't felt like doing much. It's starting to get hot here - that might be it. I used to handle the heat really well, but lately it seems like if it gets above 80, I feel like I'm going to die. If we hadn't bought a house recently, I would pack up and move somewhere cooler!
Not much has gone on since my last post. I think the big thing was we had a yard sale last weekend. Our neighborhood has a good reputation for successful yard sales. And we had a lot of stuff to get rid of. We didn't even have enough time to go through and find it all, so there will definitely be another yard sale in the future. Not until it cools off though.
The yard sale wasn't as successful as we had hoped. But money is better than crap that we don't use/want anymore. :) And we made enough to buy some things we actually need, so that's good. We also got to meet a few of our neighbors, so that was nice too.
I will try really hard to post stuff more often. I promise.
Today is the first day in a long time that I actually feel like doing something. I just haven't felt good lately. I've been really tired and haven't felt like doing much. It's starting to get hot here - that might be it. I used to handle the heat really well, but lately it seems like if it gets above 80, I feel like I'm going to die. If we hadn't bought a house recently, I would pack up and move somewhere cooler!
Not much has gone on since my last post. I think the big thing was we had a yard sale last weekend. Our neighborhood has a good reputation for successful yard sales. And we had a lot of stuff to get rid of. We didn't even have enough time to go through and find it all, so there will definitely be another yard sale in the future. Not until it cools off though.
The yard sale wasn't as successful as we had hoped. But money is better than crap that we don't use/want anymore. :) And we made enough to buy some things we actually need, so that's good. We also got to meet a few of our neighbors, so that was nice too.
I will try really hard to post stuff more often. I promise.
April 24, 2012
Hold the phone
Tonight I was home alone and the phone rang. It was a telemarketer.
"Hello"
"Can I speak to one of your parents?"
"Um...they don't live here"
"Oh. I'm so sorry ma'am, you uh sounded uh like a uh child"
Thanks. It's OK to look younger than you are, but to be mistaken for a kid on the phone is just insulting! This isn't the first time this has happened either.
The other thing that bugs me about this is...Do not, under any circumstances, call me ma'am!!! Ma'am is for old ladies. First you think I'm a child, and then you go and call me ma'am??!!?? Ugh!
AND... Why on earth are you calling me anyway? Our number is unlisted and unpublished, which we pay a whopping 90 cents a month for. (Seriously, why don't keyboards have a "cents" symbol on them?) Anyway, back to our phone number. We are also on the National Do Not Call registry. This means that technically, telemarketers and the like are not allowed to bother us! I am always too unnerved by these calls to ever think to call them out on that, but they shouldn't have our number to begin with!
This is why I love email so much.
And don't worry all you telemarketers out there. I was civil and politely got rid of him. I didn't go off on the guy until after I hung up.
Thanks for reading!
"Hello"
"Can I speak to one of your parents?"
"Um...they don't live here"
"Oh. I'm so sorry ma'am, you uh sounded uh like a uh child"
Thanks. It's OK to look younger than you are, but to be mistaken for a kid on the phone is just insulting! This isn't the first time this has happened either.
The other thing that bugs me about this is...Do not, under any circumstances, call me ma'am!!! Ma'am is for old ladies. First you think I'm a child, and then you go and call me ma'am??!!?? Ugh!
AND... Why on earth are you calling me anyway? Our number is unlisted and unpublished, which we pay a whopping 90 cents a month for. (Seriously, why don't keyboards have a "cents" symbol on them?) Anyway, back to our phone number. We are also on the National Do Not Call registry. This means that technically, telemarketers and the like are not allowed to bother us! I am always too unnerved by these calls to ever think to call them out on that, but they shouldn't have our number to begin with!
This is why I love email so much.
And don't worry all you telemarketers out there. I was civil and politely got rid of him. I didn't go off on the guy until after I hung up.
Thanks for reading!
April 21, 2012
Cluck cluck
Thursday night we finally got our chickens! They are Barred Plymouth Rocks. We named them Henrietta and Sophie. They were pretty stressed out when our friend brought them over. He said they probably wouldn't lay any eggs until they calmed down and got used to their new surroundings. It might even be a week before they lay any. Well he was wrong. There was an egg in the nest yesterday and one today! I haven't ever had eggs fresh from the chicken before, but I've heard they're very good. I'm excited to try them.
We started a blog that will be about our adventures raising chickens. It's at thechickencoopscoop.blogspot.com. Feel free to check in on the chickens!
We started a blog that will be about our adventures raising chickens. It's at thechickencoopscoop.blogspot.com. Feel free to check in on the chickens!
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| Sophie (left) and Henrietta |
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| Our first egg (bigger than actual size!) It's actually about the size of a standard grocery store egg. |
April 9, 2012
Success!
After much stress and confusion regarding different types of potatoes for making Mother in Law's potato salad, I have finally achieved success.
Yesterday we went to the In-Law's for Easter dinner. When we got there, Mother in Law was very excited to see the giant bowl of potato salad we brought. She grabbed it from my hands and ran into the kitchen for a taste. She liked it! Yay! The first thing she said was "When did you start making it?"
Oh dear. I must confess something. I made it on Saturday! I didn't take three days to make it. I knew it could all be done in one day.
"A couple days ago," I lied.
"That's what makes it so good," she said.
Ha! Take that, Mother in Law! I feel a little bad for lying to her, but it shouldn't and doesn't need to take three days to make a bowl of potato salad! And it was just as good.
I just wish there were more leftovers!
Yesterday we went to the In-Law's for Easter dinner. When we got there, Mother in Law was very excited to see the giant bowl of potato salad we brought. She grabbed it from my hands and ran into the kitchen for a taste. She liked it! Yay! The first thing she said was "When did you start making it?"
Oh dear. I must confess something. I made it on Saturday! I didn't take three days to make it. I knew it could all be done in one day.
"A couple days ago," I lied.
"That's what makes it so good," she said.
Ha! Take that, Mother in Law! I feel a little bad for lying to her, but it shouldn't and doesn't need to take three days to make a bowl of potato salad! And it was just as good.
I just wish there were more leftovers!
April 4, 2012
Confusion abounds
So last time I wrote, I was waiting for Mother in Law to bring me some ridiculously overpriced potatoes to make her blessed potato salad with for Easter dinner. She brought them this morning.
Now I'm really confused. The potatoes she brought me are red potatoes. Little tiny red potatoes. I thought the proper potatoes were these big yellowish ones. I think they're called Yukon Gold. So I consulted the recipe from the family cookbook. It says to use White Rose potatoes! What are those? Why did she bring me red ones? I don't dare ask her. This is driving me nuts!
Stay tuned for the next exciting installment of The Preposterous Potato Predicament. I will definitely be keeping you posted.
Now I'm really confused. The potatoes she brought me are red potatoes. Little tiny red potatoes. I thought the proper potatoes were these big yellowish ones. I think they're called Yukon Gold. So I consulted the recipe from the family cookbook. It says to use White Rose potatoes! What are those? Why did she bring me red ones? I don't dare ask her. This is driving me nuts!
Stay tuned for the next exciting installment of The Preposterous Potato Predicament. I will definitely be keeping you posted.
April 3, 2012
You say potato i say potato
I was asked to make potato salad for Easter dinner. No big deal, except it's not just ANY potato salad. It's Mother in Law's potato salad recipe. Mother in Law takes her potato salad very seriously. It is quite an honor to be asked to make it. It IS delicious potato salad - probably the best I've ever had - but the whole process of making it is quite ridiculous. Like the fact that it takes three days to make. Three days to make potato salad?!? Are you serious? According to her, it's too much to do in one day and it's better if the flavors have time to incorporate. OK, but three days? Also, the type of potatoes used is very important. I found this out the other night...
We had a whole family discussion on the importance of using the proper potatoes in the potato salad. When Mother in Law asked me if I would make the potato salad, she asked me what kind of potatoes I use. I just use regular potatoes. She just about had a hissy fit! Heaven forbid that I use normal regular potatoes! The ones she uses are some fancy kind that are like $2.99 a pound. I'm not going to pay $20 for like 4 potatoes when I can get a 10 pound bag for about $.50! (Why isn't there a "cents" symbol on the keyboard?) I was saying that potatoes all taste the same. Brother in Law agreed with me (thank you!) but Husband and Mother in Law were both lecturing me on the difference between the fancy potatoes and regular potatoes. They cook differently, they taste better, the texture is different, etc. Potato Snobs! I have quite a picky palate. I can taste certain things a mile away. And don't even get me going on texture. There are things I refuse to eat based solely on texture. Husband and I have made the precious potato salad before with regular potatoes and it's been just fine! It is still delicious! I have actually thought that ours is better than Mother in Law's! I just don't get what the big deal is with the stupid potatoes!
Finally, we reached a compromise. Mother in Law said she would purchase the potatoes if I would still make the potato salad. That sounded good to me. She is supposed to deliver them this week. She'd better hurry, because I should have probably already started making it by now so it can be ready by Sunday! :P
We had a whole family discussion on the importance of using the proper potatoes in the potato salad. When Mother in Law asked me if I would make the potato salad, she asked me what kind of potatoes I use. I just use regular potatoes. She just about had a hissy fit! Heaven forbid that I use normal regular potatoes! The ones she uses are some fancy kind that are like $2.99 a pound. I'm not going to pay $20 for like 4 potatoes when I can get a 10 pound bag for about $.50! (Why isn't there a "cents" symbol on the keyboard?) I was saying that potatoes all taste the same. Brother in Law agreed with me (thank you!) but Husband and Mother in Law were both lecturing me on the difference between the fancy potatoes and regular potatoes. They cook differently, they taste better, the texture is different, etc. Potato Snobs! I have quite a picky palate. I can taste certain things a mile away. And don't even get me going on texture. There are things I refuse to eat based solely on texture. Husband and I have made the precious potato salad before with regular potatoes and it's been just fine! It is still delicious! I have actually thought that ours is better than Mother in Law's! I just don't get what the big deal is with the stupid potatoes!
Finally, we reached a compromise. Mother in Law said she would purchase the potatoes if I would still make the potato salad. That sounded good to me. She is supposed to deliver them this week. She'd better hurry, because I should have probably already started making it by now so it can be ready by Sunday! :P
March 9, 2012
Thoroughly freaked out
Do you ever have a scary dream right before you wake up in the morning? Lately I've been experiencing these a lot. It just leaves me with this weird feeling all day. Especially if I can still remember the dream.
Like this morning. Two of them. Back to back. I tried to go back to sleep after the first and had another. In both of them I woke up right before I died. Now I just feel weird and kind of scared. I know dreams can be tied to things going on in your life. I hope these don't really mean anything.
And while we're on the subject of dreams, I have these other dreams where I know where I am, but it's not anywhere I really know. Does that make sense? It's kind of like I have a whole other life somewhere else. In my dreams, I recognise where I am, know where I'm going and how to get there, know where things are, etc. But it doesn't look like anywhere I've ever been in real life. I have these all the time. I don't totally believe in past lives, but I wonder if it's something like that. Maybe memories coming back or something?
Or maybe I'm just insane. :)
Like this morning. Two of them. Back to back. I tried to go back to sleep after the first and had another. In both of them I woke up right before I died. Now I just feel weird and kind of scared. I know dreams can be tied to things going on in your life. I hope these don't really mean anything.
And while we're on the subject of dreams, I have these other dreams where I know where I am, but it's not anywhere I really know. Does that make sense? It's kind of like I have a whole other life somewhere else. In my dreams, I recognise where I am, know where I'm going and how to get there, know where things are, etc. But it doesn't look like anywhere I've ever been in real life. I have these all the time. I don't totally believe in past lives, but I wonder if it's something like that. Maybe memories coming back or something?
Or maybe I'm just insane. :)
March 7, 2012
Time to catch up
I haven't posted anything for a while. I'm sure no one really cares, but I figure I should catch up on things.
I spent most of February being sick and feeling pretty crappy (physically and emotionally.) There is some nasty virus going around here that is kind of like a bad cold/flu thing. And it doesn't seem to ever want to go away! I still have a cough from it. I was sick for about a week. Had a fever for 4 days! I don't ever remember having a fever for that long. It would go away and then come back over and over. Not fun at all! And usually when I'm sick, I can still basically function. I can do a little housework, bathe, get dressed, run a few errands, etc. Not this time. I laid on the couch and watched TV and slept. I really don't think I've ever been that sick before!
Nothing too exciting has been going on around here. We are still trying to build a chicken coop for the chickens that our friend is going to give us. It's only taken 3 months! We're not very good at carpentry or whatever you call building stuff. We have run into a lot of problems. We tried making plans with measurements and such, but things didn't quite work right so we had to revise them. And revise them again. And again. We've become very familiar with our friendly neighborhood Home Depot. Saturday we were very excited because all that was left was to put the roof on. Yay! Almost done! Wait...Not quite...Saturday was the day of big "Duh" moments!
We had a piece of plywood that was supposed to be the roof, but when we put it on it was too small. Somehow we didn't account for the fact that putting the walls up would add to the length and width of the chicken coop. Duh #1.
Husband and I went to Home Depot to get another piece of plywood and some other stuff. We measured the coop this time and figured we needed a 5'x4' piece. We found a piece that was damaged and the guy said he could take $6 off for that. Yay! Plywood is NOT cheap! We had him cut it to the size we needed and checked out. We went out to our car and proceeded to load our purchases. It never occurred to us that a 5'x4' piece of plywood would not fit in the back seat of our Nissan Sentra. Here we have Duh #2! I swear that we've put large pieces of wood in the back seat before. I guess not. We stood there in the parking lot feeling very stupid. I could not stop laughing! How many problems are we going to run into in building this stupid chicken coop??!!
So how do we get this wood home? We tried putting it in the trunk. It was too wide. We thought of tying it onto the roof somehow, but weren't quite sure how to do that. I could just see it sliding down off the car and into the street. Then we remembered that we had seen a friend in Home Depot as we were walking out. He might have his truck! I ran back into the store and frantically searched for him. I went through the entire store. No luck. But just as I was about to give up and leave, I saw him heading for the checkout. I ran up to him and asked if he happened to have his truck with him. He said "Yeah. Didn't it fit?" He knew exactly what we needed. I went outside and told Husband that I had found him. We loaded the wood into his truck and went home. We were laughing our heads off about how stupid we were!
We put the plywood on the chicken coop, along with some shingles. We probably did it all wrong, but everything's still intact after the crazy wind we had here today. Whew! Hopefully the chickens will be satisfied with their new home!
Next I get to paint the chicken coop. I'm actually looking forward to this because I am feeling the urge to be creative. I get like this a few times a year. I just need to do something creative and get it out of my system. If I don't, it just drives me nuts! And I'm already nuts. It doesn't need to get any worse! The problem is, most of my supplies are still packed up from when we moved 2 1/2 years ago! I'm wanting to turn one of our bedrooms into my craft room, but other things have taken priority over that. Like building a chicken coop? Really? Maybe I can use it for a craft room since the chickens will probably die from improper care. I never had good luck with pets. I never had cats or dogs because I'm allergic, but I had lots of suicidal goldfish and a parakeet that hated me. Great!
Anyway, setting up the craft room is next on MY list of priorities. Which means that probably in about 5 years it'll be done! I would like to figure out a way to sell the stuff I make, but I'm not quite sure what to do. I would love to get on Etsy, but everytime I look at it it's just too overwhelming. I don't know if I need a business license, or if I can just go ahead and start selling. I haven't really had time to research it enough. I always keep putting it off, but I don't want to anymore. I really want to do this! I NEED to do it so I don't go completely insane!
There are so many things I want to do and I never have enough time to do them. I feel like I'm going to wake up one day and be old and almost dead and never accomplished anything. I'm going to be 40 in a few years. I can't seem to wrap my head around that. Mentally I feel alot younger than I am - maybe 25. Physically sometimes I feel about 105. :)
I think that's it for now. I'm realizing as I'm typing this that I've spent way too much time on my iPod. I'm actually having trouble typing on a keyboard! What a dork!
Thanks for reading!
I spent most of February being sick and feeling pretty crappy (physically and emotionally.) There is some nasty virus going around here that is kind of like a bad cold/flu thing. And it doesn't seem to ever want to go away! I still have a cough from it. I was sick for about a week. Had a fever for 4 days! I don't ever remember having a fever for that long. It would go away and then come back over and over. Not fun at all! And usually when I'm sick, I can still basically function. I can do a little housework, bathe, get dressed, run a few errands, etc. Not this time. I laid on the couch and watched TV and slept. I really don't think I've ever been that sick before!
Nothing too exciting has been going on around here. We are still trying to build a chicken coop for the chickens that our friend is going to give us. It's only taken 3 months! We're not very good at carpentry or whatever you call building stuff. We have run into a lot of problems. We tried making plans with measurements and such, but things didn't quite work right so we had to revise them. And revise them again. And again. We've become very familiar with our friendly neighborhood Home Depot. Saturday we were very excited because all that was left was to put the roof on. Yay! Almost done! Wait...Not quite...Saturday was the day of big "Duh" moments!
We had a piece of plywood that was supposed to be the roof, but when we put it on it was too small. Somehow we didn't account for the fact that putting the walls up would add to the length and width of the chicken coop. Duh #1.
Husband and I went to Home Depot to get another piece of plywood and some other stuff. We measured the coop this time and figured we needed a 5'x4' piece. We found a piece that was damaged and the guy said he could take $6 off for that. Yay! Plywood is NOT cheap! We had him cut it to the size we needed and checked out. We went out to our car and proceeded to load our purchases. It never occurred to us that a 5'x4' piece of plywood would not fit in the back seat of our Nissan Sentra. Here we have Duh #2! I swear that we've put large pieces of wood in the back seat before. I guess not. We stood there in the parking lot feeling very stupid. I could not stop laughing! How many problems are we going to run into in building this stupid chicken coop??!!
So how do we get this wood home? We tried putting it in the trunk. It was too wide. We thought of tying it onto the roof somehow, but weren't quite sure how to do that. I could just see it sliding down off the car and into the street. Then we remembered that we had seen a friend in Home Depot as we were walking out. He might have his truck! I ran back into the store and frantically searched for him. I went through the entire store. No luck. But just as I was about to give up and leave, I saw him heading for the checkout. I ran up to him and asked if he happened to have his truck with him. He said "Yeah. Didn't it fit?" He knew exactly what we needed. I went outside and told Husband that I had found him. We loaded the wood into his truck and went home. We were laughing our heads off about how stupid we were!
We put the plywood on the chicken coop, along with some shingles. We probably did it all wrong, but everything's still intact after the crazy wind we had here today. Whew! Hopefully the chickens will be satisfied with their new home!
Next I get to paint the chicken coop. I'm actually looking forward to this because I am feeling the urge to be creative. I get like this a few times a year. I just need to do something creative and get it out of my system. If I don't, it just drives me nuts! And I'm already nuts. It doesn't need to get any worse! The problem is, most of my supplies are still packed up from when we moved 2 1/2 years ago! I'm wanting to turn one of our bedrooms into my craft room, but other things have taken priority over that. Like building a chicken coop? Really? Maybe I can use it for a craft room since the chickens will probably die from improper care. I never had good luck with pets. I never had cats or dogs because I'm allergic, but I had lots of suicidal goldfish and a parakeet that hated me. Great!
Anyway, setting up the craft room is next on MY list of priorities. Which means that probably in about 5 years it'll be done! I would like to figure out a way to sell the stuff I make, but I'm not quite sure what to do. I would love to get on Etsy, but everytime I look at it it's just too overwhelming. I don't know if I need a business license, or if I can just go ahead and start selling. I haven't really had time to research it enough. I always keep putting it off, but I don't want to anymore. I really want to do this! I NEED to do it so I don't go completely insane!
There are so many things I want to do and I never have enough time to do them. I feel like I'm going to wake up one day and be old and almost dead and never accomplished anything. I'm going to be 40 in a few years. I can't seem to wrap my head around that. Mentally I feel alot younger than I am - maybe 25. Physically sometimes I feel about 105. :)
I think that's it for now. I'm realizing as I'm typing this that I've spent way too much time on my iPod. I'm actually having trouble typing on a keyboard! What a dork!
Thanks for reading!
February 19, 2012
Feeling plucky
I want to learn how to play the guitar. I know - I don't need any more projects, but I really want to try this. I think it would be fun. The problem is I think I'm getting to the age where it's harder to learn new things. I know I'm not THAT old, but I've been noticing that I've been having trouble in that department lately. Like a few weeks ago I got a new cell phone. I think I've finally figured it out. A 5 year old could have figured it out in about 2 seconds. I used to be really good at stuff like that, but now, not so much. This worries me. But I feel like trying to learn something new and somewhat challenging might help my feeble little crazy brain.
One reason I want to learn the guitar is just to figure out how the thing works. I know how to play the piano. I can read music. I'm not very good at the piano, but I understand it. I think that might give me an advantage with the guitar. Except have you seen a guitar? It only has six strings. A piano has 88 keys. How do you get 88 notes out of 6 strings??? I want to understand this. I've seen people play the guitar and I know you slide your fingers up and down the handle thing (I also need to learn the names of guitar parts) and you pluck the strings with a pick, but that's about all I know.
Another problem is how do I learn to play it? Is it possible to teach myself? I can't stand the thought of taking lessons. I did piano lessons. And recitals. Hated them! There's no way I would put myself through that again. But if I just get a book or watch videos on YouTube, would that work? I don't know. I don't need to become a professional guitar player or anything, but I would like to have a good knowledge of the instrument and how to play it. Can I do this myself?
At least I'm pretty sure I can get a guitar when I'm ready to take this on. My parents each have one from when they were younger. They don't play anymore and the guitars are just sitting in the closet. I just need to convince them to give me one.
So I'm wondering if I should even bother with this, or is it just some crazy idea I have that will probably never work out? If anyone's reading this (yeah right) I would appreciate your thoughts.
One reason I want to learn the guitar is just to figure out how the thing works. I know how to play the piano. I can read music. I'm not very good at the piano, but I understand it. I think that might give me an advantage with the guitar. Except have you seen a guitar? It only has six strings. A piano has 88 keys. How do you get 88 notes out of 6 strings??? I want to understand this. I've seen people play the guitar and I know you slide your fingers up and down the handle thing (I also need to learn the names of guitar parts) and you pluck the strings with a pick, but that's about all I know.
Another problem is how do I learn to play it? Is it possible to teach myself? I can't stand the thought of taking lessons. I did piano lessons. And recitals. Hated them! There's no way I would put myself through that again. But if I just get a book or watch videos on YouTube, would that work? I don't know. I don't need to become a professional guitar player or anything, but I would like to have a good knowledge of the instrument and how to play it. Can I do this myself?
At least I'm pretty sure I can get a guitar when I'm ready to take this on. My parents each have one from when they were younger. They don't play anymore and the guitars are just sitting in the closet. I just need to convince them to give me one.
So I'm wondering if I should even bother with this, or is it just some crazy idea I have that will probably never work out? If anyone's reading this (yeah right) I would appreciate your thoughts.
February 2, 2012
You're sticking that where?
The other day I had to get a tetanus shot.
Husband and I are building a chicken coop because a friend is giving us two chickens. I was cutting a piece of chicken wire and scraped two of my fingers with it. I didn't think it was a big deal until a couple minutes later when I noticed my knuckle was bleeding. After I finished freaking out at the sight of blood, I ran in the house and washed it off with antibacterial soap and put some neosporin and a band aid on it. The thought that maybe I should get a tetanus shot crossed my mind, but I didn't worry about it too much. I just kept thinking about it though. The chicken wire had been outside on the ground for a while. Probably not the cleanest chicken wire in the world.
I decided to call my mom and ask her. I told her what happened. She said that she didn't think I'd had a tetanus shot since I was a baby. She said I should call the doctor's office and tell them what happened and see what they had to say. My mom had to get one a few years ago when a friend's parrot bit her on the hand. I thought you just got tetanus from metal. Birds beaks aren't metal. Anyway, she said it was just like getting a flu shot. No big deal, I thought. I can do that. I'm not really that bothered by shots anymore. I got allergy shots for several years when I was younger. But I was really worried about side effects with this one because the last time I got a booster shot for something, I got really sick. I think it was for measles. My mom said she didn't have anything weird happen, just that it made her arm a little more sore than a flu shot did. OK. I can deal with that.
I called the doctor and talked to the nurse. She said I needed to come in because I hadn't had a tetanus shot in the last 10 years. OK. A minor inconvenience, but worth it if the alternative is dying from some horrific disease.
We went to the doctor's office. When they called me in, I went into the room with the nurse who was going to do the deed. She proceeded to explain that she was going to give me the shot in "my glute." WHAT???? WHERE??? My mom said it was just like getting a flu shot! Every flu shot I've ever had has been in my arm. The nurse said it's less painful in the posterior and it works better. OK. I pulled down the top of my pants and let her stick me. It didn't hurt too bad....until now.
This was on Monday. It is now early Thursday morning. My "glute" still hurts! I can barely sit. I can't lay on that side. It is torture! I've tried taking aspirin, etc for the pain and it barely works. I'm sick of this! I don't handle pain well. The cuts on my fingers don't even hurt anymore! And they probably won't even leave a scar to remember them by. This is ridiculous!!!
I think I'm going to go and poke myself with random rusty metal objects just to make this whole experience worthwhile.
Husband and I are building a chicken coop because a friend is giving us two chickens. I was cutting a piece of chicken wire and scraped two of my fingers with it. I didn't think it was a big deal until a couple minutes later when I noticed my knuckle was bleeding. After I finished freaking out at the sight of blood, I ran in the house and washed it off with antibacterial soap and put some neosporin and a band aid on it. The thought that maybe I should get a tetanus shot crossed my mind, but I didn't worry about it too much. I just kept thinking about it though. The chicken wire had been outside on the ground for a while. Probably not the cleanest chicken wire in the world.
I decided to call my mom and ask her. I told her what happened. She said that she didn't think I'd had a tetanus shot since I was a baby. She said I should call the doctor's office and tell them what happened and see what they had to say. My mom had to get one a few years ago when a friend's parrot bit her on the hand. I thought you just got tetanus from metal. Birds beaks aren't metal. Anyway, she said it was just like getting a flu shot. No big deal, I thought. I can do that. I'm not really that bothered by shots anymore. I got allergy shots for several years when I was younger. But I was really worried about side effects with this one because the last time I got a booster shot for something, I got really sick. I think it was for measles. My mom said she didn't have anything weird happen, just that it made her arm a little more sore than a flu shot did. OK. I can deal with that.
I called the doctor and talked to the nurse. She said I needed to come in because I hadn't had a tetanus shot in the last 10 years. OK. A minor inconvenience, but worth it if the alternative is dying from some horrific disease.
We went to the doctor's office. When they called me in, I went into the room with the nurse who was going to do the deed. She proceeded to explain that she was going to give me the shot in "my glute." WHAT???? WHERE??? My mom said it was just like getting a flu shot! Every flu shot I've ever had has been in my arm. The nurse said it's less painful in the posterior and it works better. OK. I pulled down the top of my pants and let her stick me. It didn't hurt too bad....until now.
This was on Monday. It is now early Thursday morning. My "glute" still hurts! I can barely sit. I can't lay on that side. It is torture! I've tried taking aspirin, etc for the pain and it barely works. I'm sick of this! I don't handle pain well. The cuts on my fingers don't even hurt anymore! And they probably won't even leave a scar to remember them by. This is ridiculous!!!
I think I'm going to go and poke myself with random rusty metal objects just to make this whole experience worthwhile.
January 25, 2012
She fears alone...
Lately I've been really worried about being left all alone. I'm an only child. I don't have any kids. I've always gotten along just fine by myself. I've never really cared that I don't have any siblings - until now.
My mom is also an only child. She is currently going crazy taking care of my grandparents. They are 93 and 94. Grandpa is cranky and demanding, and Grandma is losing it. Seeing what my mom is going through scares the crap out of me. I'm watching my future. Someday I'm going to have to take care of my parents, and I don't know if I can handle it. Just thinking about it is too much to deal with. And on top of that, with aging comes death. I lost one grandpa a little over a year ago. I was fine until the funeral, where I totally lost it. I can't deal with three more - four if you count husband's grandma. And then there's our parents. Four more.
Then there's the problem of who will take care of me when I'm old. I will probably die alone somewhere. Probably no one will notice. I'll be on the news. "Neighbors complain of stench coming from house next door. Body of fat dead old lady found. Not sure who she is." Yay. I can't wait.
I keep telling my mom I want to die before everyone else so I don't have to deal with any of this. She thinks I'm kidding. I'm not. Here's hoping the Mayans are right and the world will end later this year, because I just can't take any more. I'm so scared.
My mom is also an only child. She is currently going crazy taking care of my grandparents. They are 93 and 94. Grandpa is cranky and demanding, and Grandma is losing it. Seeing what my mom is going through scares the crap out of me. I'm watching my future. Someday I'm going to have to take care of my parents, and I don't know if I can handle it. Just thinking about it is too much to deal with. And on top of that, with aging comes death. I lost one grandpa a little over a year ago. I was fine until the funeral, where I totally lost it. I can't deal with three more - four if you count husband's grandma. And then there's our parents. Four more.
Then there's the problem of who will take care of me when I'm old. I will probably die alone somewhere. Probably no one will notice. I'll be on the news. "Neighbors complain of stench coming from house next door. Body of fat dead old lady found. Not sure who she is." Yay. I can't wait.
I keep telling my mom I want to die before everyone else so I don't have to deal with any of this. She thinks I'm kidding. I'm not. Here's hoping the Mayans are right and the world will end later this year, because I just can't take any more. I'm so scared.
January 18, 2012
Should it really be this hard?
This blog stuff is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I guess you have to speak some kind of nerd language to get things to work correctly. I don't speak nerd. I just figured you pick a nice little design and a couple of fonts and start blogging. It's a little more complicated than that - especially when it ends up not looking like you thought it would! I know. I'm a perfectionist. And I'm very indecisive. But still. You'd think it would be a little easier. Hopefully I'll get the hang of it soon, or I might just give up!
January 16, 2012
Welcome
Hi! Welcome to my blog! I'm still working on getting everything set up. I have to admit I don't have the slightest idea what I'm doing, but I think it will be fun once I figure everything out.
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