Music has always been an important part of my life. My parents always had music playing when I was growing up. My mom has told me that when I was about 2, she saw me tapping my foot to the music on the radio. I knew how to work a turntable when I was about 5. I took piano lessons. Music was always around. I had never really bothered to find my own kind of music until I was about 12. I had always just listened to what my parents listened to. In my quest for good music, I discovered songs I liked, but nothing really jumped out at me as being anything outstanding. The search continued until I was 17 when I discovered the music that would change my life. The music of Cause and Effect.
It all started the night of September 26, 1992. I had tickets to go to this concert in Phoenix. It was one of those put on by a radio station that featured several acts. I remember TLC, Wilson Phillips, and Cause and Effect were there. There were probably other groups there too, but I don't remember. I went to see Wilson Phillips. I had met Carnie and Wendy a few months earlier at the radio station I interned at and I really liked their music. I didn't care too much for TLC. And I wasn't too sure who Cause and Effect were. I think they had a song that I liked. Our seats were pretty close to the stage - about 5 rows back. I remember Wilson Phillips didn't sound very good. I was really disappointed. I managed to take two pictures of them (yes, I'm one of those bad girls who sneaks her camera into concerts.) Why do I mention taking pictures? Because it becomes important later and still haunts me to this day.
After Wilson Phillips was Cause and Effect. There were three guys in the band. One on drums, one on keyboards, and the singer. Oh my gosh was he cute!!! Like stare-at-him-with-your-mouth-hanging-open cute! Remember, I was 17. Raging hormones, etc. But holy cow he was gorgeous!!! He had chin length black curly hair and the most adorable smile. I swear during the show he looked right at me and smiled! Probably not, but 17 year old Raging Hormone Girl here thought so!
Not only was it love at first sight, it was love at first sound. His voice was amazing! They sounded so good live. Way better than Wilson Phillips. And yet Wilson Phillips was more well known? How could this be??? These guys were perfect. I had been listening to some other bands for a while, and though I liked a lot of their music, I didn't like ALL of their music. Maybe 3 or 4 good songs on an album. But I LOVED every song Cause and Effect did that night. This was the music I had been looking for!
Back to this gorgeous guy who by now I was certain was singing to no one but me...I had to take a picture of him. This is where the significance of taking two pictures of Wilson Phillips comes in. I held up my camera and waited for a good shot. I pressed the button. Nothing happened. I checked to make sure I had wound the film (yes, old school camera) I pressed the button again. Nothing. Crap! I was out of film!!! I could not believe it! What was I going to do? I needed a picture of my new found crush to hang on my wall. Somehow I managed to enjoy the rest of the show. I don't even remember anything after Cause and Effect.
Despite the camera fiasco, I was incredibly happy on the way back home. One overall good concert. One amazing band. One adorable guy who I was still sure had smiled at me. New music that I absolutely loved. What a great night. I went out the next day and bought Cause and Effect's cassette "Another Minute". And there on the cover was a beautiful picture of that beautiful guy I had seen the night before. And after reading the liner notes, I found out his name: Rob Rowe.
This is the picture of Rob from the album cover. See what I mean?
Wow. Writing all this really takes me back. It's funny the things we remember. I remember that night so vividly almost 30 years later. So many details about it and yet I can't remember things from a few days ago. And I've been to countless concerts since then, but only one is just as vivid - the second time I saw Cause and Effect live. I must have known subconsciously, that night in 1992, of the impact Cause and Effect would have on my life for many years to come. I really feel like it was meant to be. I was meant to be at that concert, to discover their music, because it's been intertwined in my life ever since.
Part 2 - 1994
It had been about a year and a half since I had discovered C&E. During that time I began to get into a lot of great music. My collection started to grow. Partly because I was working at a radio station and got to take home free CDs. But no matter what other music I found, I always went back to C&E. Other music got boring after a while. Sometimes I couldn't even finish listening to a CD before I got bored with it. Some things just didn't hold my attention. But this never happened with C&E. I could listen to their music over and over again and I never got tired of it. There was just something special about their music. I could never put my finger on what it was...I just sort of connected to it in some way.
WHAT? WHO?
He didn't know who it was, but he said it happened a year or so ago. How horrible. I felt my heart breaking. How had I not heard about this?
He gave me a promo copy of the CD, so I took it into one of the production studios to listen to it. It was called TRIP. They sounded different. A little edgier. Not at all like the first album, but I still loved it. I read the liner notes and found out that it was dedicated to Sean Rowley, the keyboard player. He was the one who had passed away. This just really hit me hard. At that point in my life, I had never had to deal with death before. I didn't know how old he was, but I figured he had to be close to my age. I think this is why it really affected me. Just the fact that it could happen to anyone at any time. He was so young and so talented. His music was beautiful. And he was gone. Why? How could this happen? I went home and went in my room and cried. I didn't even know him, but I still felt this loss.
I found out later what happened to Sean. He died from cardiac arrest brought on by an asthma attack. It happened during their soundcheck before a show. I felt so bad for Rob. How horrible that must have been for him. I couldn't even imagine. And it happened about 6 weeks after the concert I had gone to. I feel so lucky to have seen Sean perform that night.
And the really odd thing about all this is, here I was - this girl who didn't care much about anything, let alone people - feeling bad for people I didn't even know. What was that all about? I can't explain it. It's part of that unexplainable connection I feel. I don't know what it is, but it's always been there. Maybe we were all friends in a past life or something.
Let's take a minute to talk about TRIP. This has got to be the best album EVER. I fell in love after one listen. Rob's lyrics are so beautiful and descriptive. I could close my eyes and almost see the songs. I know that probably doesn't make sense, but if you listen with your eyes closed you will understand. It's a very emotional album, very introspective. And very personal to me, as you will find out later. The music is gorgeous. I think Keith Milo (who replaced Sean) brought something extra special to the band. There is so much going on in each song. Layer upon layer of sound swirling around inside your head. You have to listen with headphones to fully experience it. I could go on and on, but just listen for yourself. (click on the picture below)
Later on in 1994, I found out that C&E were touring and would be coming to Phoenix!!! Yay! I could not wait! Working at a radio station had its advantages. I was able to get free tickets thanks to the program director who got them for me from the record label! It was November 9, 1994 at this club in a not so great part of Phoenix. This local band opened for them. I thought their set was WAY too long! Hmmm, I wonder why? :)
Finally C&E came out. Rich (the drummer), Keith and Rob. Rob had cut his hair, but was still the cutest thing I had ever seen. I was so happy I was almost crying! I was really close to the stage. There were just a couple people in front of me. We were kind of to the side - right by Keith.
They were amazing as always. And, having learned my lesson at the last concert, I came prepared with a brand new roll of film in my camera! I managed to get 3 pics this time before the big burly security guy told me to put the camera away. He scared me! Here is the best picture I got - one of my prized posessions!
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This has to be the best concert I've ever been to. Still. Even over 25 years later. No one I've seen sounds as good live. That is true talent.
Part 3 - 1996
Something really bad happened to me in 1996. I know this blog is all about me being real and putting everything out there, but this is the one thing about me that I will never reveal. I will just say that it was very hard for me to go through. Probably the worst time in my life. I felt alone. My parents knew what happened, but I didn't feel like I could talk to them about it. My family tends to avoid talking about bad things. I didn't want anyone else to know, so I couldn't talk to my friends about it. The thought of talking to a therapist just freaked me out. I'm not going to open up and spill my guts to a complete stranger. So there I was - all alone with this horrible secret eating away at me and no one to talk to. I know this is what set off my depression. I'd always been generally down anyway - that's just how I was. But this event is what pushed me over the edge. I hated myself. I couldn't trust anyone. I was so scared that someone would find out. I wanted to die. I never actually tried to kill myself, but I thought about it a lot.
This is where I give Cause and Effect credit for helping to save my life. I would lock myself in my room, lay on my bed and listen to TRIP and just cry and cry. For hours. Somehow, this helped me feel better. TRIP is not a depressing album at all. But some of the songs were just so meaningful to me. I would listen to it at night when I was alone in the dark with nothing but my thoughts tearing me up inside, and Rob would sing me to sleep. I felt like certain lyrics in certain songs were meant just for me. And Rob's voice was so comforting. It was like he was there for me when I didn't have anywhere else to turn. Listening to those beautiful songs made me feel like I wasn't alone, like someone understood and actually cared how I felt, that maybe I had a reason to live, and that things would eventually get better. And eventually it did get better.
I realize this sounds kind of silly now - this guy I don't even know singing me out of this crazy dark depression through a CD that was released 2 years before. But if you understood the state of mind I was in at the time, it would all make sense. And it didn't cure my depression - it's still there - but it helped me put things into perspective and made it a little easier to deal with. I've only just recently been able to put what happened behind me. It doesn't really bother me anymore.
This is digging up those unpleasant memories for me right now, though, so I need to stop. Thanks for reading. There's a lot more. It's not nearly as depressing. I'll continue someday.
