Lately I've been really worried about being left all alone. I'm an only child. I don't have any kids. I've always gotten along just fine by myself. I've never really cared that I don't have any siblings - until now.
My mom is also an only child. She is currently going crazy taking care of my grandparents. They are 93 and 94. Grandpa is cranky and demanding, and Grandma is losing it. Seeing what my mom is going through scares the crap out of me. I'm watching my future. Someday I'm going to have to take care of my parents, and I don't know if I can handle it. Just thinking about it is too much to deal with. And on top of that, with aging comes death. I lost one grandpa a little over a year ago. I was fine until the funeral, where I totally lost it. I can't deal with three more - four if you count husband's grandma. And then there's our parents. Four more.
Then there's the problem of who will take care of me when I'm old. I will probably die alone somewhere. Probably no one will notice. I'll be on the news. "Neighbors complain of stench coming from house next door. Body of fat dead old lady found. Not sure who she is." Yay. I can't wait.
I keep telling my mom I want to die before everyone else so I don't have to deal with any of this. She thinks I'm kidding. I'm not. Here's hoping the Mayans are right and the world will end later this year, because I just can't take any more. I'm so scared.
How come there are no pictures of you on this blog?
ReplyDelete--Fellow C&E fan.
Take a look at my post called Dream Come True. I posted my picture of me with Rob when I met him in LA in July. Coolest thing ever! He is awesome.
DeleteI started this blog as a way for me to just get stuff out. A way to vent. I figure that's best done anonymously. :) Some of the things I write about are incredibly personal, and if someone I know happens to read them I'd rather they not know that it's me. If they figure it out, that's alright. I'm starting to care less about that than I did when I started this. I think it also makes it easier for me to write about stuff if I don't really know who is reading it. I say things here that I wouldn't dare say on Facebook because I'd be afraid of what some of my friends might think. Like I talk a lot here about my dealings with depression. Most of my Facebook friends don't even know I have depression and think I'm completely normal. :) I can be more open here and not have to worry if people are judging me. And if they are judging me, chances are I don't know them anyway so who cares, right? Do I know you? :) Thanks for reading! Come back again!