You're Tongue-tied and Your Soul Cries on the Inside

If you're not familiar, the title of this post is a line from Leaded by Cause & Effect from their album Innermost Station. That line hit me right in the heart the very first time I heard it as a demo in about 1996. It's another perfect example of how Rob Rowe can brilliantly get inside your head and your heart and say everything that's in there in ways you never could. He can put into words feelings that you didn't even know were in there. Only then do you realize he's describing exactly how you've been feeling. That's what happened to me the first time I heard that line, and so many other lines of Rob's lyrics. That's why they're so special to me.

I still listen to Innermost Station a lot. It's comforting. And for the last few years, every time Leaded comes on, I realize that I've been feeling like that. For a long time. I have a lot I need to say, but I don't really know how to put it all into words. So it sits and festers inside me and weighs heavy on my soul. My heart is broken. My soul is broken. Because of so many things. Things that happened a long time ago that shouldn't really bother me anymore, but they do, and things more recent that I may never be able to get over. 

Almost a year ago I thought I'd start blogging again after being absent for almost 4 years. After a few posts, some things happened and I didn't really know how to deal with them. I'm still dealing with them. There are so many things I want to talk about, but I don't know what exactly or how exactly to say them. But I figure I need to somehow, because they're eating at me and I don't feel like I can continue posting things here until I get past them. "You're tongue-tied and your soul cries on the inside." See? And it doesn't just apply to blogging or my lack thereof. It's kind of become my life right now. My soul is crying out and I need to clear my mind of these things that have been weighing on me for so long. I think returning to blogging and explaining what has been going on with me these past few years might help me somehow. It might help my soul to finally heal. I need that. And who knows? Maybe it will help someone out there whose soul needs healing too. Or maybe no one will even read it or care. Whatever. I need to do this. 

I had originally thought of writing one super long epic post about the whole thing just to get it all out at once, but now I'm thinking it would be easier on me (and maybe you) to break it into smaller, shorter posts. I'll get these posts out as soon as I can, because I'm ready to put these things behind me and move on. 

Stay tuned...