She fears alone...

Lately I've been really worried about being left all alone. I'm an only child. I don't have any kids. I've always gotten along just fine by myself. I've never really cared that I don't have any siblings - until now.

My mom is also an only child. She is currently going crazy taking care of my grandparents. They are 93 and 94. Grandpa is cranky and demanding, and Grandma is losing it. Seeing what my mom is going through scares the crap out of me. I'm watching my future. Someday I'm going to have to take care of my parents, and I don't know if I can handle it. Just thinking about it is too much to deal with. And on top of that, with aging comes death. I lost one grandpa a little over a year ago. I was fine until the funeral, where I totally lost it. I can't deal with three more - four if you count husband's grandma. And then there's our parents. Four more.

Then there's the problem of who will take care of me when I'm old. I will probably die alone somewhere. Probably no one will notice. I'll be on the news. "Neighbors complain of stench coming from house next door. Body of fat dead old lady found. Not sure who she is." Yay. I can't wait.

I keep telling my mom I want to die before everyone else so I don't have to deal with any of this. She thinks I'm kidding. I'm not. Here's hoping the Mayans are right and the world will end later this year, because I just can't take any more. I'm so scared.

Should it really be this hard?

This blog stuff is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I guess you have to speak some kind of nerd language to get things to work correctly. I don't speak nerd. I just figured you pick a nice little design and a couple of fonts and start blogging. It's a little more complicated than that - especially when it ends up not looking like you thought it would! I know. I'm a perfectionist. And I'm very indecisive. But still. You'd think it would be a little easier. Hopefully I'll get the hang of it soon, or I might just give up!

Welcome

Hi! Welcome to my blog! I'm still working on getting everything set up. I have to admit I don't have the slightest idea what I'm doing, but I think it will be fun once I figure everything out.