About three weeks ago our bathroom remodel started. The stuff that was in that bathroom had to be put somewhere. There's not a "somewhere" to put it, so it's strewn all over the house. Baskets and bins of bathroom stuff everywhere. I did manage to go through it and get rid of a bunch of stuff, but it's still taking up a lot of space and is in the way. We also had the new bathroom sink delivered and it is currently residing on the living room floor. The house smells like plaster dust and Liquid Nails. I've been buying cabinets, tile, paint, faucets, and other bathroom parts. I get to paint the bathroom, put the tile around the tub, and tile the floor. I'm actually kind of excited about doing these things, but so overwhelmed by the thought of doing them. I have to start painting tomorrow.
At the same time the bathroom remodel started a few weeks ago, I noticed that one of our chickens, Sophie, was acting sluggish. This went on for a couple of days, until one day I noticed she was on the floor of the coop unable to stand up. This broke my heart. I picked her up and held her and petted her while bawling my eyes out. I just kind of had this feeling that she wasn't going to make it. I put her in a box with some food and water, and brought her into the house. She just laid there with her eyes closed. I could see that she was still breathing, so she wasn't gone yet. I looked on the Internet for ideas of things to try to help her. I found a few ideas, so I went out for a while to get some things I needed. When Husband got home from work we tried some of the things I had found. Nothing seemed to work. We held Sophie for a while and decided the best thing to do was to bring her back inside and keep her comfortable. As we were getting things ready, we noticed she was moving around a bit. She kind of shuddered and jerked around for a couple seconds. Then she was gone. I was inconsolable. I hadn't lost a pet before that had meant so much to me. I had a parakeet when I was little. He was terrified of me. And when he died, my parents got the body and buried it before I could see it. With Sophie, I saw her die. I've never seen anyone or anything die in front of me. She was a beautiful chicken. She had gorgeous black and white feathers, and laid beautiful eggs. And to see her lifeless body there in front of me was just more than I could handle. Husband was so sweet through this whole ordeal. He found a box to put her in and dug a hole in the back yard. We had a little chicken funeral and buried her. I cried for days afterward.
Henrietta, our other chicken, was clearly upset at the loss of her friend. So two weeks ago we went to the feed store and bought two new chickens. One is a white leghorn we named Phyllis, and the other is a brown Ameraucana we call Gertrude. We were supposed to keep them quarantined for a week before putting them in with Henrietta. We bought a dog cage to keep them in and put them outside the chicken run where Henrietta could see and "talk" to them. After the week was up, we put them in the run. This was last Saturday. Everything seemed fine when they were separate, but when we put them together....turmoil in the chicken coop! Henrietta has been pecking and pulling feathers out of Gertrude! Phyllis is just plain scared of everything and everyone. We like to let them out into the yard once in a while, but the new girls won't come back to the coop when it's time to "go home". We've been chasing chickens all over the yard! And now Gertrude just stays up on the roost inside the coop all day and won't come down.
Then, to make things even worse, I got asked to help out with the teenage girls at church. I think I'm supposed to kind of mentor them and be a friend to them if they need someone to talk to. I haven't found out exactly what I'm supposed to do yet. This scares the crap out of me!!! I don't know how to help teenage girls! I need help myself! And they want me to go to their weekly activity every Wednesday night. When I was a teenager I hated going. I was miserable. I was the only girl my age, I was a nerd who didn't have any friends, and the activities they did were always things I hated (volleyball, stupid group games, etc.) I don't want to do this, but we're supposed to help out where we are asked, so I guess I'll give it a try. But this is just more stress, and more stress is the last thing I need right now.
Keep in mind the bathroom remodel is still going on during all of this. I have to get up extra early so I can open the gate for Handyman to get into the yard. I'm soooo stressed out that I can't sleep, my allergies are making me feel like crap, and my depression is trying to come back full force (all of this stuff going on isn't helping any!) My sweet chicken died, my new chickens aren't getting along, my house is torn up. I'm going insane.
So what happened tonight? I find out that Cause and Effect are going to be taking a little break from each other to work on solo projects. I'm really torn on this one. On the one hand, I'm super excited to find out what they're up to and to see what they can do by themselves. On the other hand, they are putting off releasing Artificial Construct Part 3, which means they really might not ever get around to releasing it or getting back together. I was so counting on getting to see them this year and maybe finally getting to meet them (especially Rob!) Now that might never happen. I don't know. I don't have all the details yet, so I shouldn't be too quick to make assumptions. But I know how they are. They like to put things off. Sometimes for years at a time. Nobody's getting any younger here. Maybe everything will be OK. Maybe they will tour individually and I'll still get to meet Rob. It's just that that was one of the few things that was keeping me going. They would release AC3 and go on tour. They were definitely going to play in Phoenix. They might have even been able to come here. My lifelong dream of meeting them would finally come true. And now that's all gone. My last hope of something to look forward to. My heart is broken.
I've learned that I get too excited about things, only to find disappointment. When will I learn? Probably never. I just need things to look forward to to keep myself going, a reason to get out of bed, a reason to not kill myself today. I don't have that right now. I don't know what to do.
Miss you, Sophie <3
