I'm too tired to think of a catchy title

Hello my vast audience. All two of you. I've been a bad little blogger. I need to post more often, I know. It just seems like there's never enough time to get my thoughts together. And by the time I've gotten them together, something else happens that needs more time and more thoughts. I feel like I just can't keep up with life. I'm behind on everything. From blogging to mundane around-the-house stuff. I'm just behind. I've been feeling very overwhelmed lately, by everything I have to do and just life in general. But I want to try to make a few little changes and hopefully that will help me feel better and deal with things better. 

I've been keeping a running list of things I need to blog about, so hopefully in the next couple of weeks I can make the time to sit down and write. Although with the holidays coming, I might not be able to until next year. I really need to do this though. It will really help me to be able to clear my head and get everything out. So if you start to see a ridiculous amount of new posts from me in a ridiculously short amount of time, just know that that's what I'm doing. Trying to empty my head.

I'm thinking I might also do a complete redesign of my blog. The purple swirly thingies aren't really doing it for me anymore. This will probably take awhile, since I had such a hard time getting things set up when I started blogging. Plus, who knows, they've probably changed how to do everything anyway, so I'll just have to figure it all out again. I'll focus on posting more first, then when I'm fairly caught up I'll start on the redesign.

Thanks for reading and stay tuned...

Wow

I can't believe it, but it's been one year since I got to meet Rob Rowe! That sure went by fast. It seems like it was forever ago, but yet it doesn't feel like it's been that long. It was a night I'll never forget. One of the best nights of my life. I hope I can see him again sometime...

That is all.

New Rob Rowe interview

I just thought I'd share this interview that Rob Rowe did last week with Jesse Richman at Makeup for the Silence. It's really good! 

Part 1:
http://www.makeupforthesilence.com/post/84943300515/cause-effect-its-over-now-from-trip-rob
 

Part 2: 

http://www.makeupforthesilence.com/post/85047577990/whitewaits-blackbird-spies-from-an-elegant

And Part 3:

http://www.makeupforthesilence.com/post/85141078200/whitewaits-lost-boys-from-an-elegant-exit-rob

Absent

I've been a little absent from here lately. I just realized that I haven't posted anything since December. For those of you that read my blog and hang on my every word, I apologize. To both of you.

A lot of my problem is that I have trouble thinking of stuff to write about. My life is really pretty boring. So since everything is usually the same, I figure you don't want to hear about what I bought at the grocery store, or about how much laundry I did. You're welcome.

Another problem I have is that sometimes I just don't feel like doing anything. As in nothing. I get like that once in awhile. I think it's part of my depression. So I wallow and cry and hate myself for not doing anything, but I still can't make myself do anything. I know. I'm nuts. When I get like that, even the tiniest, easiest things seem like so much. So I do what absolutely has to get done (ie. get out of bed, go to the bathroom) and that doesn't usually include blogging.

Something else that keeps me from writing is the fact that a lot of times I don't think about it until like 1:00 in the morning, and I should probably go to bed instead of spending another hour blogging about my boring little life.

So there you have it. I know I've said this before. I'll try to blog more often. I want to. I really enjoy it. I like being able to vent about things and not care who sees it. Nobody knows who I am. And probably nobody really cares. But it helps. And I can use all the help I can get.

Until next time. (Which hopefully won't be very long) :)

Hi

In case you were wondering, I'm still here. I've just been in the middle of a little nervous breakdown so I haven't felt much like writing. 

I Googled "nervous breakdown" a few weeks ago because I wanted to see if that's what's happening to me. Sure enough, it is. Even though it isn't an officially recognized medical problem, a nervous breakdown is where basically you feel like you just can't take anymore. 

Of anything. 

Hello. 

That's me. 

You don't feel like doing anything or going anywhere, and the littlest, seemingly harmless things can just push you over the edge. I've been feeling like I'm at the end of my rope, and the rope is unravelling and I'm hanging onto the very last threads of it with my fingernails. That's what I've been going through these last few months. I've sort of been falling apart.

So I just wanted to let you, my vast blog-reading audience, know that that's where I've been, and hopefully I'll feel like writing more often soon. I just need some time to put myself back together. 

I'm getting there.

Thanks for reading.

I never thought

I just had another birthday. I think I've mentioned how it's kind of like New Year's for me. More so than the actual holiday. It's like a new beginning. A time of reflection and renewal.

This year has been one of the most emotional years I think I've ever had. So many horribly awful things have happened, with a couple of amazingly wonderful things mixed in...

I never thought that death could ever come so close into my little world as it has. I never thought I could be so sad over losing a pet. I never thought that death would turn my whole world upside down by taking my Grandpa. I never thought depression could be *this* bad. I never thought I could be so afraid of what the future holds. I never thought that I'd get to interview Rob Rowe from Cause and Effect. I never thought that I'd ever get to see him play live again. I never thought that I'd ever get to meet him. I never thought I would have a nervous breakdown. I never thought that I'd make it to this birthday.

All in all, I'm glad to say good riddance to 38. Hello 39. You are going to be a year of living it up. I'm hoping it will be a year of living like I've never lived before. I really want to try. This might be my last chance. Because next year I will be old. :)

Treasures

Husband and I are getting ready to have a yard sale. We are trying to go through the whole house and find anything and everything we can get rid of. We have 14 years of accumulated stuff together. Or maybe I should say *I* have 14 years of accumulated stuff. Most of it is mine. I'm not a hoarder, let me make that clear. I just love to shop and I have a hard time letting go of things. I'm much better than I used to be with the shopping. I hardly buy anything anymore. But I get too sentimental with things. Things have associations that go with them. Memories. Feelings. So this has been pretty hard for me. I've had a few meltdowns over the stupidest things. I've also had a couple of meltdowns with good reason.

Today we were going through some boxes that we had never unpacked when we moved into our house. Four years ago. I saw something in one of those boxes and just started bawling. It was something that my Grandpa had made. He died 4 months ago. I thought I was over it. I mean, I guess you never get over something like that, but I thought I was okay. I guess not. I miss him so much. More than I thought. I'm not sure how to get through this. Things we see can bring back memories of fun times we had and loved ones we've lost. Memories I'll treasure forever.

I found more treasures today. Inside one of the boxes was a folder that I had been looking for for several years. I had even gone back to my parents house and dug around in my room for it without any luck. And there it was today. Inside a forgotten box in the corner. 

This folder contains my very first correspondences with Rob from Cause and Effect, as well as some other stuff that belongs in my C&E collection. These things mean so much to me. I knew I had them somewhere. It was driving me crazy trying to figure out where they were. There are emails from Rob from 1996, copies of articles about Cause and Effect that I got from a record rep, and things from the fun part of my radio career. So many good memories. It was so fun going through the folder and being like "oh, there it is! I remember that!" I cried again, but this time it was happy crying. I'm so glad I found that folder.

Things and the associations we have with them are powerful. They can take you back to times you want to remember forever, or they can take you to places you never want to go back to again. They can dig up all sorts of memories and feelings.

I wonder what treasures I'll find tomorrow...