I'm devastated. Even though they will both still be making music, and C&E's music will always be around, it just won't be the same. There won't ever be anything new. I won't ever get to see them play live again. I was really hoping for at least one more show. I haven't seen them since 1994. Well, I saw Rob in LA in 2013, but that was just an acoustic set, which isn't anywhere near the same. I'm not saying it wasn't great, because it was and that's when I got to meet him, but I want (make that need) a full-blown, plugged in, 60-90 minute show. And I guess that won't happen now, or ever.
I just can't believe it. Well, I kind of can, because I thought it might be coming, but it was still a shock. Rob had kind of hinted that something was going on between him and Keith. I was hoping it wouldn't ever lead to this. I was hoping they would just never say anything. Not make it "official." Keep a little bit of hope out there. I tried to find out what happened between them, but neither is willing to say.
I can't help but wonder if somehow I was indirectly responsible for the announcement of their breakup. The day before had been the 10th anniversary of the release of Artificial Construct Part 1, and I had posted on my social accounts about it. And then the next day... The big horrible announcement. Did my posts somehow remind them, like "oh yeah we should tell people we broke up?" I feel like it could have been my fault. Not the breakup itself, but the announcement that destroyed all hope. But then again that's just how my brain works now.
I think what upsets me the most about this is that for 10 years they've promised to release Artificial Construct Part 3. Artificial Construct was supposed to be an album released in 3 four-song EPs over the course of 2010. We got AC1 in 2010, AC2 in 2011, and they never released AC3. I talked with Rob about this years ago, and he always said it was coming. He said that Keith was taking forever to finish it because he's such a perfectionist, which makes sense. That's where the great music comes from. Rob just wanted to get it released so he said he might go ahead and finish it himself. In my interview with him he even said that it would still be released because the songs were too good not to. I tried asking them both why they didn't at least release AC3 before splitting up for good, and couldn't get an answer except that Rob said he didn't want to talk about it. Something happened that no one is willing to discuss. I don't understand why they can't give us a reason why those few songs were never released. Give us some closure. What's the big deal? It can't be that bad, can it? I at least hope those songs see the light of day somehow. They teased us with Fading several years ago, which was an absolutely beautiful song, which I still get in my head sometimes, and now we'll never hear the completed version. That right there is a huge loss. I'm hoping that maybe Rob will use it on a future Whitewaits release, hopefully along with the other songs that were supposed to make up AC3.
The only reason I can come up with for the breakup is that Keith might have been tired of being second to Rob. Cause and Effect was always "Rob and Keith". On stage, Rob was always in front, Keith was in the back. Rob did most of the singing. Keith just did background vocals. Rob wrote all of the songs. Keith did the music and made everything sound great, but it was always Rob's voice and words. I once asked Rob what a certain song was about and he said he doesn't even let Keith in on those things. Maybe Keith wanted to write and sing on some songs. Maybe he wanted to be up front for a change. Maybe that's why Keith wanted to do a solo project. I don't know. *I have to mention again that these are just my own ideas and speculation.* I know absolutely nothing about what happened. I will probably never find out. It's just hard to deal with and very upsetting to me, and I'm sure it's upsetting for others. I've followed a band for almost 30 years, most of my life, I've listened to their music almost every day of those almost 30 years, I've supported everything they've done, I helped promote their music, I've tried everything in my power to get their music played on the radio, I've bought everything they've ever released including things they didn't even know about, then they go and break up without any explanation. That's it. They're done. It's not even someone leaves the band and is replaced. It's just over. That's what I don't get. That's what I'm having such a hard time with. Most bands that I've heard about breaking up say "creative differences" was their reason. Or *something* was their reason. We didn't even get that. I get that their reasons are personal, but at the same time I feel stabbed in the back by all of this. I can't even listen to any of their music now because everything is just too raw, too painful.
I feel like part of me has died. Part. Of. Me. Who I actually am. My identity. My soul. Has died. I feel like I've lost a dear friend or family member. C&E has been such a huge part of my life for so long, it became a part of me. The songs are part of me. They are forever woven into my soul. I mean, look at what I named my blog. This is who I am. These things define my soul. So much of that is C&E, and now it's gone. Part of me is gone. It hurts. I'm tired of hurting. I'm in mourning. Mourning the loss of my favorite band. Mourning the loss of a huge piece of my heart and a huge part of my life. I've loved C&E for almost 30 years. I don't quite know what to do. I feel lost. I feel empty. And with everything in the world as horrible as it is now, it just makes it that much worse. I don't think I can ever get over this.
